Quote:
Originally Posted by locojoe
A pork pie walks into a pub and the barmaid says sorry we dont serve food in here.
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A man walks into a pub, carrying an octopus, and orders a pint for himself and a half for the octopus.
"No chance" says the barman, "You can't come in here with that octopus."
"Just one moment, my good man; this is no ordinary octopus - he can play any musical instrument you care to give him." says the man.
"Tosh. There's a piano over there - if it can play that, I'll pay for your drinks, but I don't believe it for one minute."
The man takes the octopus over to the piano, puts it on the stool, and opens up the piano lid. The octopus then proceeds to play astonishing piano.
The barman's very surpised at this, and stumps up for the drinks, then says "I bet it can't play my trumpet...", and rushes off to get it. The octopus then plays 'The Flight of The Bumble Bee' without a fault. Once again, the barman provides the drinks. A chap sitting in the corner opens a guitar case, and takes out an acoustic guitar, on which the octopus plays expertly in a number of styles. More drinks. Over the space of the next hour, with the help of musical locals, the octopus proves his dexterity on the harmonica, a violin, a kazoo, paper & comb, a trombone, and an accordian, all of which produce more drinks from the barman, who thinks he's been taken for a ride somehow. "Hang on," he says, "I'll fetch my mate Angus." Off he goes, and returns with the Scotsman, who has with him a set of bagpipes.
"Let's see you deal with THIS!" says the barman.
The octopus picks up the bagpipes, wraps its tentacles around it, and for the next ten minutes produces nothing more than ghastly wailing and screeching noises. "I KNEW it!" yells the barman, "I KNEW it was all a swindle! Drink up & clear off!" The bloke and his octopus drink up and leave, and sit dejectedly on the wall outside the pub. After an ominous silence for several minutes, the man turns to the octopus and says " What the hell were you doing? We were onto a good thing in there - free beer! And you have to cock it all up!"
"YOU wanna complain!" says the octopus; " TEN MINUTES I was struggling in there with that thing, and I couldn't even get its knickers off!"
