I remember well an occasion 15 years or so ago when we were told by driver our train into London would be delayed due to 'sheep on the line'. There was much incredulity as you can imagine when we were a couple of miles inside the M25 which is very urban. The Driver said over the tannoy that he didn't believe it either and took the micky out of his own company for covering up for a points failure or similar. After a long delay when we got to the place of the trouble, there was indeed a small flock of sheep on the rails about 3-400 yards outside of Liverpool street station. Never did find out where they cam from. :confused:

The funniest thing i ever heard was on board a Virgin CrossCountry serivce arriving at Derby when the gaurd made an announcement similar to this

"We are now approaching Derby 5minutes early, we apologize for any inconvience this may cause"

This was at a time VXC's reliability was very poor had everyone laughing

Barking!
 

There was a guy at Barking Station a few years ago, when the old slam doors were still on the LTS line, with some serious sardonic wit.

My favourite, frequently heard on a Friday afternoon was:

"Please stand behind the yellow line as the train approaches, otherwise you may be hit by a door that some idiot has opened and this may well spoil your weekend".